Thanksgiving is a time of togetherness and gratitude, but when someone you love isn’t there, the holiday can feel like there’s an empty chair at the table. The aroma of favorite foods and the sound of family laughter can suddenly remind you of who’s missing. How can you celebrate when your heart is aching for them? The truth is, love doesn’t end when someone passes. Even as you grieve, there are gentle ways to honor their memory and feel their presence during the holiday. Here are a few heartfelt approaches to keep your loved one close this Thanksgiving:
Set a Remembrance Place
Consider saving a seat or a small space in honor of your loved one. It might be as simple as placing a photograph, a candle, or a keepsake at the dinner table where they would have sat. One family began a tradition of leaving a candle glowing by an empty chair, symbolizing that “their spirit is still with us, warming our hearts.” This gesture can turn sadness into a comforting reminder that their memory lives on in your home. Every glance at that chair can feel like a quiet hello from them, reminding everyone present that though gone, they are not forgotten.
Share Their Stories
Holidays are built on storytelling – the funny moments, the precious memories, the little traditions. This Thanksgiving, speak their name and share a favorite story about your loved one. You might reminisce about the way your dad insisted on making the cranberry sauce from scratch, or the time your sister accidentally burned the pies but laughed it off. These memories can invite smiles and even laughter through tears. “It’s comforting to know they’re with me in spirit, even as I go about my day,” one widow shared after telling a beloved story of her husband at dinner. By celebrating their life openly, you give everyone permission to remember and feel connected. It turns the absence into an opportunity to bond over what they left in your hearts.
Include Their Favorite Dish
Food can be a powerful link to loved ones. Was there a special recipe your loved one brought to every Thanksgiving? Cooking or baking their signature dish can be a delicious way to honor them. Whether it’s Uncle Joe’s famous cornbread or Grandma’s secret stuffing, preparing that recipe is like sharing the day with them. As you mix and stir, you may feel a swell of gratitude for the recipes and love they passed down. And when everyone enjoys it at dinner, it’s as if a part of them is there nourishing the family. You could even say a few words: “This was Mom’s recipe, and having it today makes me feel like she’s still blessing our table.” Such moments blend remembrance with gratitude.
Wear a Cherished Reminder
Sometimes the smallest things bring the most comfort. Wearing something that carries their memory can help you feel less alone in your grief. A locket with their photo, a piece of jewelry that belonged to them, or a cremation jewelry pendant holding their ashes can serve as a quiet source of strength throughout the day. For instance, you might wear a necklace with their initials or a tiny bit of their ashes inside. As you go through Thanksgiving traditions, you can touch that necklace and feel a sense of closeness, almost like a reassuring hand on your shoulder. One daughter who lost her mother told us that having a little urn necklace “made me feel like Mom was still here, in the moments I needed her most.” In gatherings that might feel overwhelming, that tangible reminder can steady your heart. It’s a way of keeping them with you – not just in memory, but in a physical, personal way. And if family members notice and ask about it, it opens the door to talk about your loved one in a positive light.
Give Yourself Grace
Even as you find ways to honor your loved one, remember that it’s okay to feel mixed emotions. Joy and sorrow often intermingle during the holidays. You might laugh at a joke one minute and tear up the next when you remember your spouse’s laugh or your child’s grin. Allow yourself those moments. If you need a quiet break during the festivities, take one. Step outside to breathe the crisp autumn air, place a hand on your heart (or your keepsake jewelry) and remind yourself that they are a part of you forever. They would want you to find moments of peace. By the same token, it’s okay to feel joy without them – it doesn’t mean you’ve forgotten, it means their love is still bringing you happiness.
Embrace New Traditions in Their Honor
While you cherish the old traditions, you may also find comfort in creating a new ritual that includes your loved one’s memory. This could be as simple as everyone around the table sharing one thing about the person they’re thankful for, or having a moment of silence together before the meal. Some families release a balloon or light a special candle together for a moment. Others play your loved one’s favorite song or raise a toast: “To those who are with us in spirit today.” New traditions like these make your loved one an integral part of the holiday moving forward. It shifts the focus from loss to gratitude for the time you had with them.
Carry Love Into Thanksgiving Day
As you prepare for Thanksgiving, remember that grief is love persevering. The very reason their absence hurts is because of how deeply you cared. By finding ways to include and acknowledge them – an empty chair with a candle, a story shared, a recipe on the table, a locket worn close to your heart – you turn that pain into something beautiful. You ensure that the holiday remains not only a day of thanks, but also a day of remembrance. In doing so, you might find that the gratitude and grief coexist in a healing way. The empty chair is still empty, it’s true – but your heart can feel fuller knowing their love and memory continue to shine, especially on a day meant for appreciating the people who have touched our lives.
This Thanksgiving, let yourself feel whatever comes – the sorrow, the warmth, even moments of joy. And when you do feel joy or gratitude, know that it doesn’t diminish their memory; in fact, it honors them. After all, having had someone so wonderful to love (and miss) is something to be thankful for. As you keep one more place at the table for them, you’re keeping a place for them in your life, today and always. And that is a Thanksgiving blessing in itself.
